How to deal with anger

Hello, my name Is Maroun Azar, I work as a certified life coach and spiritual helper. 

Today we are going to learn how to use an emotional intelligence technique to recognize the anger in us and others. 

What is Anger? Anger is an unpleasant emotion caused by external triggers, these triggers are usually followed by an internal mind interpretation and leads to unconscious destructive behaviors as a response. 

Let’s say you just broke your phone; you will get angry and express your anger with negative behavior such as bitterness in your conversation.  

So, once you detect anger within you, you need to identify 3 different factors to be able to reduce the intensity of the emotion itself. 

1. The external trigger
2. The internal mind interpretation 
3. The unconscious destructive behavior 

 What is the external trigger? 

The external trigger is an external factor that can be an object, person or life event that provokes the emotion of anger within you such as:

• Not meeting your desires
• Living in resentment for something you did in the past
• Holding grudges towards yourself or others  
• Being misunderstood by others 
• The lack of satisfaction & fulfilment or feeling powerless 
• Being invalidated or treated unfairly 
• Or if there is no respect to your feelings or possessions

There is a story about a Buddhist monk who decides to meditate alone, away from his monastery, so he takes a boat and goes to the middle of the lake closes his eyes and begins to meditate. After a few hours of silence, he suddenly feels the blow of another boat hitting his, while his eyes were still closed, he felt his anger rising, and opens his eyes ready to shout at the boatman who dared disturb his meditation. But as soon as he opens his eyes, and realised that there was only an empty boat, untied floating in the middle of the lake. At that exact moment, the monk achieved self-realisation and understood that the anger was within him. It simply needed to be hit by an external object to be provoked. After that incident, whenever he met someone who irritates him or angers him, he would remember that “the other person is just an empty boat, & anger is inside me”

Let’s take another example, you are in bar with your loved one and suddenly an attractive stranger comes to hit on your partner trying to impress him or her. You get angry and start expressing your anger with an unconscious destructive behavior like violence, loud voice, or cursing. 

If you look at the factors, we discussed earlier:

• The external trigger of your anger is the approach of an attractive stranger hitting on your life partner
• The internal mind interpretation, your mind is thinking “someone is trying to take what is mine” so you feel the fear of losing your beloved one, and this specific interpretation provoked the anger. 
• The unconscious destructive behavior is the outer manifestation of your anger which, in this case, is you losing your temper. 

Now the main question would be how to prevent ourselves from reacting unconsciously under the effects of negative emotions like anger or fear? 

• The first step is to pause before acting up on your anger, Identify the emotion and label it as anger. 
• Then you need to re-evaluate your thoughts and change the inner interpretation you had of the external trigger in order to reduce your anger and therefore your reaction facing this external trigger.

Going back to our example, when you saw the attractive stranger approaching and you felt a physical heat filling your body. Count to 10, recognize that heat as the emotion of anger, and be aware that you can always change this emotion once you change the thoughts in your mind. For example, you can think about how much you trust your partner, and nothing will happen with the stranger. 

The first time you pause after identifying your anger, you might not be able to hold it and alter your behaviour, but that’s okay, don’t judge yourself because change happens gradually. The first few times it would be great if you just watch and be aware of your emotions, since observing your emotions now is sufficient to make the change in the future. Always.

To summarize, there are a few steps towards learning  

However, if you are experiencing long-term anger, you should try some relaxing and calming techniques. Especially that Chronic Anger causes both physical and psychological illnesses. 

The Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh says that:

“Fear gives life to anger. You don’t have peace when fear is there, so it becomes the soil on which anger can grow. Fear is based on ignorance, and this lack of understanding is also a primary cause of anger.”   

Anger vibrate at low frequency; it attracts more anger into your life as per the law of attraction which prevents you from attracting happy life events. Therefore, it is essential to transcend this negative emotion and increase the frequency of your emotional body. 

And so, for all these reasons I tell you, Don’ Go to bed angry! 

Now let’s release some anger together using a visualization technique that will allow you to increase your self-awareness. 

Please sit comfortably with a straight back so that your head and neck are aligned with your spine. Put your hands on your knees and close your eyes for better concentration.

• Take a deep breath
• Inhale… Exhale…
• Inhale slowly and deeply…. Exhale slowly and deeply…
• Keep inhaling…. and Exhaling…. 
• Inhale and focus on the sound of your breath coming in from your nose
• Exhale and focus on the sound of your breath coming out of your nose
• Keep inhaling…. and Exhaling…. 
• Now Inhale and visualize a White light going into your body…. Exhale & relax 
• Consciously & with positive intention, visualize the white light coming in from your nose, spreading inside you head covering your brain… 
• Visualize this light covering your face, your neck going down to your chest filling your heart. 
• Now picture this light coming out of your heart and spreading to your stomach down to your waist and legs. 
• Recall a life situation where you felt very angry
• Replay the scene in your mind and feel the intensity of this anger 
• Identify your external trigger
• Identify your Inner interpretation
• And recall what was the unconscious behavior under anger

Now Ask yourself these questions: How would you have wanted to react? What can you change in terms of inner interpretation and thoughts to change the negative behavior? 

Now relive and visualize the new scene…

 

How to deal with anger

 

Hello, my name Is Maroun Azar, I work as a certified life coach and spiritual helper. 

Today we are going to learn how to use an emotional intelligence technique to recognize the anger in us and others. 

What is Anger? Anger is an unpleasant emotion caused by external triggers, these triggers are usually followed by an internal mind interpretation and leads to unconscious destructive behaviors as a response. 

Let’s say you just broke your phone; you will get angry and express your anger with negative behavior such as bitterness in your conversation.  

So, once you detect anger within you, you need to identify 3 different factors to be able to reduce the intensity of the emotion itself. 

1. The external trigger
2. The internal mind interpretation 
3. The unconscious destructive behavior 

 What is the external trigger? 

The external trigger is an external factor that can be an object, person or life event that provokes the emotion of anger within you such as:

• Not meeting your desires
• Living in resentment for something you did in the past
• Holding grudges towards yourself or others  
• Being misunderstood by others 
• The lack of satisfaction & fulfilment or feeling powerless 
• Being invalidated or treated unfairly 
• Or if there is no respect to your feelings or possessions

There is a story about a Buddhist monk who decides to meditate alone, away from his monastery, so he takes a boat and goes to the middle of the lake closes his eyes and begins to meditate. After a few hours of silence, he suddenly feels the blow of another boat hitting his, while his eyes were still closed, he felt his anger rising, and opens his eyes ready to shout at the boatman who dared disturb his meditation. But as soon as he opens his eyes, and realised that there was only an empty boat, untied floating in the middle of the lake. At that exact moment, the monk achieved self-realisation and understood that the anger was within him. It simply needed to be hit by an external object to be provoked. After that incident, whenever he met someone who irritates him or angers him, he would remember that “the other person is just an empty boat, & anger is inside me”

Let’s take another example, you are in bar with your loved one and suddenly an attractive stranger comes to hit on your partner trying to impress him or her. You get angry and start expressing your anger with an unconscious destructive behavior like violence, loud voice, or cursing. 

If you look at the factors, we discussed earlier:

• The external trigger of your anger is the approach of an attractive stranger hitting on your life partner
• The internal mind interpretation, your mind is thinking “someone is trying to take what is mine” so you feel the fear of losing your beloved one, and this specific interpretation provoked the anger. 
• The unconscious destructive behavior is the outer manifestation of your anger which, in this case, is you losing your temper. 

Now the main question would be how to prevent ourselves from reacting unconsciously under the effects of negative emotions like anger or fear? 

• The first step is to pause before acting up on your anger, Identify the emotion and label it as anger. 
• Then you need to re-evaluate your thoughts and change the inner interpretation you had of the external trigger in order to reduce your anger and therefore your reaction facing this external trigger.

Going back to our example, when you saw the attractive stranger approaching and you felt a physical heat filling your body. Count to 10, recognize that heat as the emotion of anger, and be aware that you can always change this emotion once you change the thoughts in your mind. For example, you can think about how much you trust your partner, and nothing will happen with the stranger. 

The first time you pause after identifying your anger, you might not be able to hold it and alter your behaviour, but that’s okay, don’t judge yourself because change happens gradually. The first few times it would be great if you just watch and be aware of your emotions, since observing your emotions now is sufficient to make the change in the future. Always.

To summarize, there are a few steps towards learning  

However, if you are experiencing long-term anger, you should try some relaxing and calming techniques. Especially that Chronic Anger causes both physical and psychological illnesses. 

The Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh says that:

“Fear gives life to anger. You don’t have peace when fear is there, so it becomes the soil on which anger can grow. Fear is based on ignorance, and this lack of understanding is also a primary cause of anger.”   

Anger vibrate at low frequency; it attracts more anger into your life as per the law of attraction which prevents you from attracting happy life events. Therefore, it is essential to transcend this negative emotion and increase the frequency of your emotional body. 

And so, for all these reasons I tell you, Don’ Go to bed angry! 

Now let’s release some anger together using a visualization technique that will allow you to increase your self-awareness. 

Please sit comfortably with a straight back so that your head and neck are aligned with your spine. Put your hands on your knees and close your eyes for better concentration.

• Take a deep breath
• Inhale… Exhale…
• Inhale slowly and deeply…. Exhale slowly and deeply…
• Keep inhaling…. and Exhaling…. 
• Inhale and focus on the sound of your breath coming in from your nose
• Exhale and focus on the sound of your breath coming out of your nose
• Keep inhaling…. and Exhaling…. 
• Now Inhale and visualize a White light going into your body…. Exhale & relax 
• Consciously & with positive intention, visualize the white light coming in from your nose, spreading inside you head covering your brain… 
• Visualize this light covering your face, your neck going down to your chest filling your heart. 
• Now picture this light coming out of your heart and spreading to your stomach down to your waist and legs. 
• Recall a life situation where you felt very angry
• Replay the scene in your mind and feel the intensity of this anger 
• Identify your external trigger
• Identify your Inner interpretation
• And recall what was the unconscious behavior under anger

Now Ask yourself these questions: How would you have wanted to react? What can you change in terms of inner interpretation and thoughts to change the negative behavior? 

Now relive and visualize the new scene…